Ocho Oh No

Sorry all 3 followers: I wrote this back in August, but for some reason did not publish it.  A little moot, I do feel bad about Mrs. Kraft's death, but enjoy:

Intended Publish Date: August 2011
Damn you Bob Kraft.  You win again and perhaps it's time for TK to give up.

Bob Kraft and Golden Boy discuss more ways to bring back TK

I love banning things.  As a defender of capitalism and a useless html-er, my sole reaction against business decisions I disagree with is to ban said establishment - and tell everyone I know about the ban.  This worked well with a former arch-nemesis:

You may have made a great burrito for a great price, but don't mess with the bull or you'll get the horns.

As all three of my followers are well aware: I banned the Patriots during the preseason of 2006, because they were too cheap to pay my favorite player - Deon Branch.  He was awesome.  He was great at Louisville, and only won two championships in New England.  In football terms, he was my size out there and still kicked ass with the slant route.  They didn't want to pay him and they still raised ticket prices (by the bye: number of SuperBowl wins since 2005 = 0).

2 Rings + 1 MVP < $1.4 million 

Golden Boy + Uggs Contract = $4 million + Brazilian supermodel

I vowed never to allow Bob & Co my hard earned dollars again, but alas they are too Krafty for me.  Of course they brought back my main dame, but only after I had declared allegiance to the Bengals - partly because they were the closest franchise to my hometown, but mostly because of this:

It's got good pace...good line...sunk it!

Of course the Bungles have been doing what they normally do - implode.  And there was memorable game 1 in 2009 when this guy went to the bathroom with Cincy up and only seconds left, only to flush the tank as cornerback Leon Hall grabbed the assist helping Brandon Stokley travel 87 yards for a Broncos win.  Still, I loved their antics, I loved trying to predict the next Bungle to get arrested, I loved tearing off my TJ Maxx C Johnson jersey to reveal my custom-made OchoCino every time 85 scored a touchdown...I loved how he kicked a field goal during one of the Hard Knocks preseason game.  But can I love him anymore?

Say it ain't so Ocho

What to do, oh what to do.  Now Belichick and co have both of my boys.  Alas, I cannot go back.  Bans can be lifted if the erring party rights their wrong, and usually I require a personal apology.  In this case, I'm sticking to it.  Mostly due to all the smugness the Pats carry with them.  Plus their stranglehold in keeping the Revs in a too-big football stadium 45 minutes away from town to deny me any MLS experience.  Revs are banned by default, btw.  Sure, I'd put Cincinnati's  win total at about 3 right now (maybe 4 next year), but I'm going down with the ship.  It's too late to maneuver around the iceberg.  Go Bungles!  And Go Cubs!  There's always next year.

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Killer B's

So...they finally did it.

Congrats to the B's who decided to wait until That Kid left town before winning it all (yes I did just pivot back to myself).  Pretty impressive for Boston who has now won a championship in all 4 major leagues in the last 7 years.  Move over Brockton, it looks like Boston + Foxboro is the new city of champions.  Bonus to Tim "Timbo" Thomas...your 2011 Stanley Cup MVP.  See you next year in San Jose or Seattle or LA.

So I have been everywhere except Chicago for the last week. 

First Mr. Leonard and I (btw I somehow got locked out of his facebook profile and cannot remember what year his birthday is...if anyone has the power to look this stat up, please email me) drove down to good ol' Louisville, KY.  Sampsonater was not pleased to be in the car as he demonstrated his dissatisfaction by taking a massive dump in the passenger seat approx 25 minutes into the journey.  He immediately followed up his token gift by ralphing on the floor.  When he was out of bodily fluids he enjoyed hollering, panting, and biting for the remaining 5 1/2 hours.  Who needs children?

From Louisville, I began my journey to Middle Earth (also referred to as Mid-East Coast).  I enjoyed a pleasant 98 degree day touring our nation's capital.

Since they no longer allow meager, tax-paying, voting citizens to sit in on Senate sessions (C-Span in Concert), I had a few hours to wander the streets before my sister got out of work.  Who invented this city? (answer: a Frenchman)  I got so lost since the C Street in "southeast" is not the same as C Street in "northwest" however it does merge into C Street "southwest" (with a new set of building numbers) but never connects with C Street "northeast."  Some streets are above (literally on-top at higher elevation) than others, hence Googlemaps on my crackberry had enough of my nonsense and decided to erase itself.

  

So after a very nice meal and tour of the Native American Smithsonian, I enjoyed getting lost for the next few hours in my epic quest to find a dry cleaner who could have my suit finished the next day.  Then my sister and I enjoyed some happy hour oysters at some trendy place in duPont Circle.  I convinced her to lure out her current "man-friend" so I could judge his worthiness myself.  Lastly we watched the Heat-Mavs game (4 or 5) at some bar where my sister and her friend got interviewed by some Deutschland TV station celebrating the great Dirk.  The producer was unhappy with them since the only players the girls knew were D-Wade and Bron Bron.  The phrase for cut tape in German is, "Stoppen verfilmung!"

The next day, I was off to my favorite city on America's east coast:

That's right ladies and gents... the one... the only... The Charm City, hon!

Ms. AJ was quite busy, so I had to amuse myself in the mean streets of Baltimore (I pronounce it Bodimur).  I forgoed my self-guided Wire walking tour and instead visited the greatest market ever:

Lexington Market is good times + chaos in a block.  There was a live band, fresh raw bar, cheap beer, and good conversation relating to police brutality.  I also spent time looking for a good place for:

I had to walk through a rough looking area to find the steamed; however I did also get my favorite fried hard shell version a Bo Brooks.  Here they pop open the crab - stuff a crab cake inside, then dip the whole thing (shell and all) into the deep fryer.  It is excellent, greasy, and huge.  Plus the bartender at Bo Brooks kept referring to me as 'hon and had a huge beehive.  Classico!

There was a wedding in between crabs as well.  Congrats to Dr. and Dr. Z.  You'll have to check out nobagstocheck.blogspot.com for some good photos.  I promise one of these days, I'll stop stealing images from Google and actually use that camera mama got me.  One of the big highlights was during the customary tie on the head dance sequence when Mr. J ran through the dance floor with one leg in the air and his necktie planted firmly around his forehead.  I hope there's a picture I can steal of that.

Congrats also to Mr. O for completing his level II exams and claiming victory in the moustache contest.  I'm throwing down the Gauntlet for November's festivities and I am personally challenging you to the death.  I think the newly married Dr. Z also plans a triumphant return to the facial hair arena.  Bring it.  Much Kudos to Shelly, Paul, Sue, and Peeps for taking care of me through my mid-Atlantic adventure.  I'd probably still be slinging at the 221 if it weren't for you.

Now I am back in da Ville working hard and picking up a few clients in KY.  Business is going fairly well here, plus my father is the best non-client I have.

My mother is starting to nag more than usual, so I think I may be wearing out my welcome.  Plus she hasn't touched my latest batch of dirty clothes and has made me fend for myself in the last few meals.  Probably come back Monday or Tuesday.  AJ arrives on Wednesday night to much fanfare from the South Side.

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Krazy Konservatives

This is why I started a blog: I know it's a strange first entry, but I went to the most highlarious meeting of right-wingers yesterday to listen to this physician talk about Obamacare.  I was curious to hear opinions from a provider's point of view.  The doctor's talk was good, but the crowd thrived at the opportunity to air their own agendas and liberal bashing during Q & A.  Most of the speaker's responses to these "questions" were either, "yes" or, "I agree with you" or "poor people leech the system."  It was kind of like a British Parliament session with a lot of, "Here here!" in the background.

(This is the groups logo on meetup.com)  

I actually challenged the good doctor on a point regarding the individual mandate after publicly yelling at some guy who claimed the free market system works in health care because he went to the ER and his bill was only $5K (which he could afford to pay over time).  This was met with a chorus of boos and, "That kid is drunk."  This was partially due to the fact that since the food looked terrible, I ordered a $6, 39 oz beer from the waitress to ensure the restaurant got something out of these knuckleheads (must be some law against serving the full 40; however I have discovered that I can order a full pitcher even when solo at the bar).

I hoped to get some business contacts, but most people were 65+ and the rest were jackasses.  There was one nice lady, who felt it her mission to workshop her Tea-Party one liners that she had focus-grouped all weekend.  Once the nutters started on about Wisconsin election recalls, I quietly made my exit forfeiting the opportunity to punch Mr. Free Market ER in the face.  

Since I was in the neighborhood, I made the 2 mile trek here for comedy open mic.  

Boy howdy, this place was fun.  Comedy is still thriving in Chicago and best of all...it was free.  The comics for the most part were good and the sets were 4 minutes.  My Blue Moon was only $3.50 and we were in this little basement room that definitely reminded me of old comedy clubs in NYC, which I am way too young to have ever been to.  There was one guy, Darwin David Duber who was gold Jerry, just gold.  I tried to find him online because he seemed to be at least semi-pro but no luck.  

Perhaps I'll ditch the Karaoke microphone in a few weeks and give comedy a whirl.  No hecklers at this place: actually I think I may have been the only non-comedian in attendance.  Well worth the trip, plus they're throwing an anniversary party on Saturday with free food, free music, karaoke, and 77 cent beers: it's gonna be like Disco Nite at Comiskey.

Well this was fun.  I hope you join my blog.  Not even sure how you can follow it, but I'm sure the rest of you people born after 1977 know better than I.  Wait...Twitter and Facebook aren't the same thing?  How does this internet work, Mr. Gore?  Don't forget to visit www.chicagoinsuranceexpert.com for all your small business benefit needs.